Almost Married

Then I saw Angela.

I saw her. And when I closed my eyes, I could still see her. I could see her outlined in fire. It was the fire of her anger. The fire of her pain. It was the fire of her determination. She stood in that fire with her back straight and her chin high, and she reminded me. She reminded me of who I am. I saw her, and I knew that I had to have her for myself.

“I Choose Love...

No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love. Today I will love God and what God loves.

I Choose Joy...

I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to be cynical. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.

I Choose Peace...

I will live forgiven. I will forgive so I may live.

I Choose Patience...

I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll invite him to do so, Rather complain that the wait is to long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clenching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.

I Choose Kindness...

I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for that is how God has treated me.

I Choose Goodness...

I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I accuse. I choose goodness.

I Choose Faithfulness...

Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My friends will not question my word. And my family will not question my love.

I Choose Gentleness...

Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it only be in praise. If I clench my fist, may it only be in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.

I Choose Self-Control...

I refuse to let what will rot, rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will be drunk only by joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only by Christ. I choose self-control.

Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek His grace. And then when this day is done I will place my head on my pillow and rest.”

― Max Lucado

I love you

I love you more than the stars above, than the sun that rises every morning, than the moon in the night sky. I love you more than all the sand in the Sahara Desert, all the water in the Pacific Ocean, all the clouds in the sky. I love you more than Texas. I love you more than the yellow roses in the bushes outside my grandmother's house, which bloomed each spring with memories of my childhood. I love you more than dew drops on the grass, and the smiles on people’s faces when the weather is warm and children are playing in the sprinklers. I love you more than rollercoasters, first kisses, and drinking bourbon. I love you more than ice cream, more than cookies, more than cherries. I love you more than the first day of fall when you get to wear a cardigan. I love you more than the sound of a train in the distace, across a sun-lit wheat field. I love you more than driving fast, more than the lake at night, more than music. I love you more than the wind, more than mountains, more than tall trees, more than cliffs over-looking the sea. I love you more than the canyons when they turn purple in the evening. I love you more than fireflies, a rainbow in the blue sky, the soft green and white of a meadow. I love you more than you will ever know.

When I Say I Love You

When I say that I love you, I mean that I love you more than anyone else loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, that I love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, that I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else.

Proposal

I love you more than honey
And cloudless skies of blue.
Come live with me, in the woody wood
So I can be with you.

We'll watch ol' Tigger bounce and play
Outside the hollow tree.
Kanga will be teasing Roo,
And you'll be kissing me.

Rabbit has his clever plans.
And Piglet plays his part.
You'll be forever in my arms
They'll warmly wrap your heart.

So come to here, and live with me
And make a happy life!
A chance to simply live, and love
And be a Pooh Bear's wife.

Stephen King, Bag of Bones

"For men, I think, love is a thing formed of equal parts lust and astonishment. The astonishment part women understand. The lust part they only think they understand.”

It might be Maureen Medved...

one day you fall
for this girl
and she touches you
with her fingers
and she burns
holes in your skin
with her mouth
and it hurts
when you look at her
and it hurts
when you don’t
and it feels
like someone’s
cut you open
with a jagged
piece of glass
and it's
wonderful

Simple

This is simple.
Simple and complicated,
As most true things are.
This love I have for you.
I love you and you are my reason.
Because when something happens,
You're the person I want to tell.
It's most basic indicator of love.
But not just that. Not only that.
It's one thing to fall in love.
It's another to feel someone else
Fall in love with you,
And to feel a responsibility
Toward that love.
This passion
Between us
Can turn the air tender,
The room blazing,
And time itself stops.
As I step out of your bed
And slip on my shirt,
Everything around me
Is the temperature of happiness,
And I feel the universe
Is telling us something.
The best thing about love
Is its regular presence.
Once you can establish that,
it's the foundation of your life.
The world, right now, is only us.
We are a sound, waiting to be a word.
It's awesome. It's enormous.
Now that I've experienced that enormity,
It lingers everywhere I look,
And I want it to be
Every word
I say.

Every Day

“The moment you fall in love feels like it has centuries behind it, generations - all of them rearranging themselves so this precise, remarkable intersection could happen. In your heart, in your bones, no matter how silly you know it is, you feel that everything has been leading to this, all the secret arrows were pointing here, the universe and time itself crafted this long ago, and you are just now realizing it, you are just now arriving at the place you were always meant to be.”

- David Levithan

Moon

She rides high in the sky
Sister Moon
Worshiped for a thousand, thousand years
Your temples are dust
But still you are
The Moon

Words

I have said, I adore you
I have said it
I have said it
Said it against your throat, where the pulses beat
Said it under the curve of your breast

Words.
I grow short of words
Cannot heart touch heart in silence
Without words
Which can never say
How much I love you

I Choose You

Let the bough break, let it come down crashing
Let the sun fade out to a dark sky
I can't say I'd even notice it was absent
Cause I could live by the light in your eyes

I'll unfold before you
What I've strung together
The very first words
Of a lifelong love letter

Tell the world that we finally got it all right
I choose you
I will become yours and you will become mine
I choose you

There was a time when I would have believed them
If they told me you could not come true
Just love's illusion
But then you found me and everything changed
And I believe in something again

My whole heart
Will be yours forever
This is a beautiful start
To a lifelong love letter

Tell the world that we finally got it all right
I choose you
I will become yours and you will become mine
I choose you

We are not perfect
We'll learn from our mistakes
And as long as it takes
I will prove my love to you

I am not scared of the elements
I am under-prepared, but I am willing
And even better
I get to be the other half of you

Tell the world that we finally got it all right
I choose you
I will become yours and you will become mine
I choose you

love is more thicker than forget

love is more thicker than forget
more thinner than recall
more seldom than a wave is wet
more frequent than to fail

it is most mad and moonly
and less it shall unbe
than all the sea which only
is deeper than the sea

love is less always than to win
less never than alive
less bigger than the least begin
less littler than forgive

it is most sane and sunly
and more it cannot die
than all the sky which only
is higher than the sky

- E. E. CUMMINGS

Declaration

I fell in love with your courage, sincerity, and strength. It's in these things that I believe. Even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that you weren't all that you should be, I would love you. I love you and it is the beginning of everything...

Khalil Gibran knows what's up...

“But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise on your lips.”

Heart In My Head

Love is not a cup that can be filled,

Or needs to be emptied to make room for more.

Love teaches us to find the hidden chambers of our hearts.

Our infinite secret gardens.

I want to see you be brave...

We tend think that brave people have no fear. The truth is that they are intimate with fear...

On Loss and Change

Loss is just another way of saying Change. We fear change. We fear fear.

( The Zen master, Kobun Chino Roshi, was once asked how he related with fear. He said, “I agree. I agree.”)

Life doesn't make it easy. Life demands that we die, and be reborn, every time we confront change.

When we find ourselves at the very bottom of a loss, it is easy, even desirable, to lose ourselves in that darkness. Despair is a tempting choice. Just slide into the black.

However, if we can see that place as one of reflection, that moment can teach us much about ourselves.

Life, through this change or loss, has stripped away all that has no meaning. If we can "be" in that place, dwell patiently, and keep an open heart, we can bring back up with us the sweetness of life and love.

When there is nothing left to lose, we find our true self.

That self can give love to others without the need for anything in return.

That self is enough.

That self is whole.

My Excuse

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - When Harry Met Sally

1 Corinthians 13

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.

And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

Love suffers long and is kind;
Love does not envy;
Love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
Does not behave rudely,
Does not seek its own,
Is not provoked,
Thinks no evil;
Does not rejoice in iniquity,
But rejoices in the truth;
Bears all things,
Believes all things,
Hopes all things,
Endures all things.

Love never fails.

But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part.

But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three;

But the greatest of these is love.

Good Advice for New Couples

Take your time.

Some of the biggest relationship failures have been attributed to rushing into a union. Yet, no one ever regrets taking too much time to get to know a potential love interest. Everything you desire from your relationship can happen much more smoothly when you give it time, as opposed to condensing your plans into irrational time frames. More importantly, there are warning signs that you can easily overlook if you don’t let the relationship evolve at a steady pace. Give yourself the chance to explore whether you are pursuing a mate that will compliment, not complicate, your life.

Understand that there are different stages in a love relationship.

In the beginning, you fall madly in love with your partner. You would probably spend every waking hour with them, if you could. Well, one day you’ll snap out of it and that fierce infatuation will simmer down to a healthy amount of respect, admiration and mature love. If you are in it for the long haul, be aware that your relationship will ebb and flow and your feelings toward one another will evolve into something much more sustainable than fickle fascination.

Create goals individually and as a couple.

Don’t lose yourself because you're in love. It never ends well. Your partner fell in love with you because all of your wonderful qualities, including your ambition and attitude. Not only should you continue to strive towards your personal goals, creating goals as a couple will keep you aligned as you work towards building a future together.

Commit.

You cannot have a successful relationship without commitment. Once you have resolved to give the relationship a go, give it your full attention. Tell the world. Do not keep a mental backup. Forget about your co-worker in the other department that always flirts with you (that you would definitely date if you were single), or the high school sweetheart that pops up from time to time to confess you were the one that got away. This is poison for a relationship. Stay focused. You owe it to yourself to give your current relationship your full energy in order to give it the best chance of succeeding.

Learn how to forgive.

I am not talking about possible deal-breakers (i.e. infidelity, abuse, etc.), I am talking about day-to-day conflicts that can affect your relationship. He/She didn't take your videos back when you asked him/her to and now you have a late fee. He/She didn't want to go to a dinner party because he/she finds some of the guests insufferable. He/She constantly wears that same shirt that you told him/her you hate. Focusing on small annoyances can make you lose perspective until you convince yourself that the relationship is not what you want. For relationship longevity, you must acquire the ability to keep everything in prospective. To accommodate and learn to forgive the small things.

Continue to date.

Romance is often the first thing that suffers under demands of your time at work, children and other responsibilities. However, you must continue to do the things that remind you of why you fell in love in the first place. Relationships do not sustain themselves, you must continue to keep your romance fresh in order to make it work. Make a conscious effort to devote time to get out and do things as a couple. At the very least, plan activities that you can do at home that will foster your love connection. Snuggle while you read a book together, cook a meal together, or watch the sunset together.

Value privacy.

Resist the urge to air your dirty laundry in front of friends and family. The 10 minutes you took to vent about your partner, or share an intimate story, could come back to haunt you and cause irreparable damage. Painting your partner in a bad light, or revealing embarrassing personal information, is not a sign of loyalty, love or respect. When you honor your partner by keeping the details of your relationship sacred, others will learn to respect your relationship and your privacy too.

Talk.

You will never know if your partners needs are being fulfilled if you do not ask. They cannot read your mind either. Do not assume your partner is happy because they have not brought up any issues. They might not know how to start the conversation and prefer to avoid confrontation. Rather than let resentment build over time, until one or both of you feel negative about the direction of your relationship, check-in! Asking “How do you feel about ___?” and “What do you need from me?” may clue you in on information that could save your relationship.

Learn each others love language.

Identify what your partner needs from you in order to feel loved, or their “love language”. People have different love languages. You can work tirelessly to cater to your partner, only to wind up feeling unappreciated. What you have been doing may be what you want them to do for you, but it has nothing to do with what makes your partner feel loved.

Seek counseling before you hit a rough patch.

Don't wait until your relationship is in the dumps to work on your relationship skills. Counseling can be a great bonding experience for couples who want a future together. With the right counselor, you can learn more about yourself, your partner and the issues you have both dragged into the relationship from the past. You will also have an opportunity to address potential problems (i.e. different values that may cause conflict down the line) and brainstorm realistic solutions. Best of all, you have a neutral third party that can call you out on your stuff and make you realize when you are being unreasonable and are just plain wrong.

Rhapsody on a Theme of E.B. Browning

When a soul
By choice and conscience
Does throw out it's full force on another soul
The conscience and the concentration both
Make that which was merely life
Love.

Sugar

I want only to discover you
To divine your secret self
And spend the hours, weeks, and years
In the corners of your soul
I require nothing of you
But the will to allow me that

I Didn't Know

I didn't know your face
when you were small
when you were bold enough to see beauty
Though I can imagine it

I didn't know your heart
when it was whole
when it was hot and full of grace
Though I can hear it beating

I didn't know your back
when it was unbowed
when the weight of keeping faith didn't compress it
Though I see its strength

I didn't know your eyes
when they were free of tears
when there was hope
Until now...

ITAP of Laura

ITAP of Ian before Prom

29 Things

I hate lists. I have, therefore, compiled one.

Here are 29 things. Do with them what you will.

Cheer other people’s victories.
Spend time with the right people.
Notice the beauty in moments.
Focus on the possibility of positive outcomes.
Enjoy the things you already have.
Be more open about how you feel.
Give your ideas and dreams a chance.
Take full responsibility for your own life.
Enter new relationships for the right reasons.
Create your own happiness.
Value the lessons your mistakes teach you.
Actively nurture your most important relationship.
Be more polite to yourself.
Listen to your inner voice.
Be honest with yourself about everything.
Forgive yourself and others.
Face your problems head on.
Be aware of your stress level.
Look for the silver lining in all situations.
Make your own happiness a priority.
Concentrate on the things you can control.
Notice and live in the moment.
Give new people a chance.
Work toward your goals.
Believe that you’re ready for the next step.
Be yourself, genuinely and proudly.
Allow things to be less than perfect.
Help those around you.
Notice how wealthy you are.

Angela

you have not yet
been set to music

you're not an oil painting
or old master’s sketch

still...

you remind me
of some sweet spring

you are my home
the only Eden I can name

your shine
could take me anywhere

I call it loving you

Still

Succor staid
Silence

Sudden song
Stained

Succulent sinew
Savaged

Sentient sorrow
Sings

Still

Shipwreck

I've been fooling myself.

I've liked to imagine my life with Judith as a ship under full sail and heavy wind. Driven forward and always on the edge of collapse. The wind died with her, and the doldrums set in.

I had a long talk with a new friend the other day. Long after she was gone, I still couldn't shake it. I began to realize how wrong I've been.

To stick with the ship analogy, most of the time I was bailing water. Water that I had let in myself. I was drowning us and saving us at the same time. The final storm swept me up, and spit me out. Shipwreck.

I spent some time, this weekend, looking hard at that wreckage. I've got some cleaning up to do. And then, what? And then, what? And then...