Good Advice for New Couples

Take your time.

Some of the biggest relationship failures have been attributed to rushing into a union. Yet, no one ever regrets taking too much time to get to know a potential love interest. Everything you desire from your relationship can happen much more smoothly when you give it time, as opposed to condensing your plans into irrational time frames. More importantly, there are warning signs that you can easily overlook if you don’t let the relationship evolve at a steady pace. Give yourself the chance to explore whether you are pursuing a mate that will compliment, not complicate, your life.

Understand that there are different stages in a love relationship.

In the beginning, you fall madly in love with your partner. You would probably spend every waking hour with them, if you could. Well, one day you’ll snap out of it and that fierce infatuation will simmer down to a healthy amount of respect, admiration and mature love. If you are in it for the long haul, be aware that your relationship will ebb and flow and your feelings toward one another will evolve into something much more sustainable than fickle fascination.

Create goals individually and as a couple.

Don’t lose yourself because you're in love. It never ends well. Your partner fell in love with you because all of your wonderful qualities, including your ambition and attitude. Not only should you continue to strive towards your personal goals, creating goals as a couple will keep you aligned as you work towards building a future together.

Commit.

You cannot have a successful relationship without commitment. Once you have resolved to give the relationship a go, give it your full attention. Tell the world. Do not keep a mental backup. Forget about your co-worker in the other department that always flirts with you (that you would definitely date if you were single), or the high school sweetheart that pops up from time to time to confess you were the one that got away. This is poison for a relationship. Stay focused. You owe it to yourself to give your current relationship your full energy in order to give it the best chance of succeeding.

Learn how to forgive.

I am not talking about possible deal-breakers (i.e. infidelity, abuse, etc.), I am talking about day-to-day conflicts that can affect your relationship. He/She didn't take your videos back when you asked him/her to and now you have a late fee. He/She didn't want to go to a dinner party because he/she finds some of the guests insufferable. He/She constantly wears that same shirt that you told him/her you hate. Focusing on small annoyances can make you lose perspective until you convince yourself that the relationship is not what you want. For relationship longevity, you must acquire the ability to keep everything in prospective. To accommodate and learn to forgive the small things.

Continue to date.

Romance is often the first thing that suffers under demands of your time at work, children and other responsibilities. However, you must continue to do the things that remind you of why you fell in love in the first place. Relationships do not sustain themselves, you must continue to keep your romance fresh in order to make it work. Make a conscious effort to devote time to get out and do things as a couple. At the very least, plan activities that you can do at home that will foster your love connection. Snuggle while you read a book together, cook a meal together, or watch the sunset together.

Value privacy.

Resist the urge to air your dirty laundry in front of friends and family. The 10 minutes you took to vent about your partner, or share an intimate story, could come back to haunt you and cause irreparable damage. Painting your partner in a bad light, or revealing embarrassing personal information, is not a sign of loyalty, love or respect. When you honor your partner by keeping the details of your relationship sacred, others will learn to respect your relationship and your privacy too.

Talk.

You will never know if your partners needs are being fulfilled if you do not ask. They cannot read your mind either. Do not assume your partner is happy because they have not brought up any issues. They might not know how to start the conversation and prefer to avoid confrontation. Rather than let resentment build over time, until one or both of you feel negative about the direction of your relationship, check-in! Asking “How do you feel about ___?” and “What do you need from me?” may clue you in on information that could save your relationship.

Learn each others love language.

Identify what your partner needs from you in order to feel loved, or their “love language”. People have different love languages. You can work tirelessly to cater to your partner, only to wind up feeling unappreciated. What you have been doing may be what you want them to do for you, but it has nothing to do with what makes your partner feel loved.

Seek counseling before you hit a rough patch.

Don't wait until your relationship is in the dumps to work on your relationship skills. Counseling can be a great bonding experience for couples who want a future together. With the right counselor, you can learn more about yourself, your partner and the issues you have both dragged into the relationship from the past. You will also have an opportunity to address potential problems (i.e. different values that may cause conflict down the line) and brainstorm realistic solutions. Best of all, you have a neutral third party that can call you out on your stuff and make you realize when you are being unreasonable and are just plain wrong.

Rhapsody on a Theme of E.B. Browning

When a soul
By choice and conscience
Does throw out it's full force on another soul
The conscience and the concentration both
Make that which was merely life
Love.

Sugar

I want only to discover you
To divine your secret self
And spend the hours, weeks, and years
In the corners of your soul
I require nothing of you
But the will to allow me that

I Didn't Know

I didn't know your face
when you were small
when you were bold enough to see beauty
Though I can imagine it

I didn't know your heart
when it was whole
when it was hot and full of grace
Though I can hear it beating

I didn't know your back
when it was unbowed
when the weight of keeping faith didn't compress it
Though I see its strength

I didn't know your eyes
when they were free of tears
when there was hope
Until now...

ITAP of Laura

ITAP of Ian before Prom

29 Things

I hate lists. I have, therefore, compiled one.

Here are 29 things. Do with them what you will.

Cheer other people’s victories.
Spend time with the right people.
Notice the beauty in moments.
Focus on the possibility of positive outcomes.
Enjoy the things you already have.
Be more open about how you feel.
Give your ideas and dreams a chance.
Take full responsibility for your own life.
Enter new relationships for the right reasons.
Create your own happiness.
Value the lessons your mistakes teach you.
Actively nurture your most important relationship.
Be more polite to yourself.
Listen to your inner voice.
Be honest with yourself about everything.
Forgive yourself and others.
Face your problems head on.
Be aware of your stress level.
Look for the silver lining in all situations.
Make your own happiness a priority.
Concentrate on the things you can control.
Notice and live in the moment.
Give new people a chance.
Work toward your goals.
Believe that you’re ready for the next step.
Be yourself, genuinely and proudly.
Allow things to be less than perfect.
Help those around you.
Notice how wealthy you are.