I've been fooling myself.
I've liked to imagine my life with Judith as a ship under full sail and heavy wind. Driven forward and always on the edge of collapse. The wind died with her, and the doldrums set in.
I had a long talk with a new friend the other day. Long after she was gone, I still couldn't shake it. I began to realize how wrong I've been.
To stick with the ship analogy, most of the time I was bailing water. Water that I had let in myself. I was drowning us and saving us at the same time. The final storm swept me up, and spit me out. Shipwreck.
I spent some time, this weekend, looking hard at that wreckage. I've got some cleaning up to do. And then, what? And then, what? And then...
